unravelling the string: that damn elephant

Tuesday, 5 April 2011

that damn elephant

relationship (n):
1) the quality or state of being related; connection
2) connection by blood, marriage, etc.; kinship
3) a particular instance of being related
4) a continuing attachment or association between persons, firms, etc., specif., one between lovers

relation (n):
1) a logical or natural association between two or more things; relevance of one to another; connection
2) the way in which one person or thing is connected with another
3) the act of telling or recounting : account
4) an aspect or quality (as resemblance) that connects two or more things or parts as being or belonging or working together or as being of the same kind ; specifically : a property (as one expressed by is equal to, is less than, or is the brother of) that holds between an ordered pair of objects
5) a person connected by consanguinity or affinity : relative
6) a person legally entitled to a share of the property of an intestate
7) relationship by consanguinity or affinity : kinship
8) reference, respect
9) the attitude or stance which two or more persons or groups assume toward one another
10) the state of being mutually or reciprocally interested (as in social or commercial matters)
11) dealings, intercourse ; sexual intercourse

If you haven't gotten my point by now, you never will...

Even Webster, through his 15 various definitions, has alluded to the fact that they can be pretty bloody complicated from time to time.

So all I will say is that all the men of my past are all pretty damn amazing or they never would have been in my life to begin with. And any man I've ever loved... I will love for the duration, in some way. That's the way love works. So any reflection on relationships that I write about at this point has little to do with them or their flaws and everything to do with little things I've learned about... well, myself... relationships in general... and perhaps life as a whole. So, sigh, hopefully that elephant is feeling less neglected, I will write freely now....

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Disclaimer

This blog reflects my unedited thoughts and I've shared it with you it is because you are either one of my long standing friends or family members, or you are one of the many random and wonderful people who come in and out of my life whom I find interesting or perhaps have connected with in some small or big way - but most importantly, you have somehow demonstrated that you have the slight potential of truly 'getting' the unedited version of me. So, this time around, with this blog, I will warn you that it may not be for everyone, as I am not going to spend my time commercialising or sugar coating for the masses (I have exploring to do!) and yes, sometimes this means I may sound just like I do when I am across the table from you - I may get long winded, introspective or lost in my thoughts and go off on tangents or be 'too deep' or 'too personal' (you know what, deep and personal is real to me, and I like real - hopefully you do too), I may make no apparent sense, or say something that only I think is funny, and I'm okay with that. If you are too, read on. Because, while I hope that this blog helps me keep in touch with many of you better, if you want the truth, it is really primarily for me - to capture the raw version of what will hopefully be a very memorable journey I will reflect upon for years to come.

What the hell am I doing

Good question - have asked that a few times, myself. The answer to that question may evolve as I go along. Technically I am getting on a plane and going to Cambodia to do some volunteer work and see where it takes me from there. But beneath that I suppose I must admit I am following that unravelling string I mentioned when I left Guatemala last September. (Not sure about my word choice here... 'unravelling string' could be perceived just as a more eloquent way of saying 'screws loose'. Oh well, perhaps it's true... but in a good way.) Anyway, I will recap what I wrote as I was departing: "My list of lessons learned here is long and I won't go into all of them right now, but I think I can summarise them into one big theme. So many decisions in my life have been based on practicality and sensibility. Sometimes based on societal expectations or expectations I've placed on myself about what success and happiness should look like. And if I'm honest, there is a little thread that runs through all of these that is really just nothing more than fear - fear of the unknown, fear of the unconventional, maybe even fear of failure or what other people may think. And if I take nothing more away from this little journey it is this - that thread of fear has started to unravel in a big way."