Anyone who truly knows me well will have commented at least once, or 100 times, on my profound ability to, what they like to term, 'overanalyse.'
I generally don't like to make snap judgments or decisions about people or situations, unless I absolutely have to. For me, the question at hand, whatever it is, usually unravels into a web of more and more questions. I like information. I like to know the big picture before concluding. I also have a very active mind and an occasionally intense emotional core. They like to go to war with one another. They both are exceptionally good at arguing their cases, meaning I have to give both sides time to battle it out. Sometimes it takes a while.
I guess have always looked upon most things in life - especially if humans are involved - as three dimensional. I have a strong urge to peel back the layers. Things aren't always what they seem at face value. Sure, making quick decisions is valued in our fast-paced society. It often projects and inspires confidence. Saves time. Sometimes it is absolutely necessary, of course I can recognise that. And I can certainly do it when I have to... I suppose there is no way I could have been successful in my career to date without it.
But, give me time... and I will always take it. There are plenty of downsides associated with this trait. But with the passing years I think we all get better at learning how to best channel our innate personality characteristics - identifying when they are assets, and when they are liabilities.
Sometimes that means I make the conscious decision to tone it down (or turn it off!), even if it doesn't come naturally.
But it is really the experiences I've gained while living in the developing world that have most strongly highlighted to me that there are times when there is infinite value to keeping your question marks open until you've educated yourself from all angles. Sure, I love engaging in debate about all these things I am seeing, I get passionate, I share my perspectives and experiences... but usually they are only articulated in the form of questions or the presentation of two (or more?) possible sides, reserving complete judgment. I'm not advocating wishy-washiness or never taking a stand about anything. I'm saying that decisions and judgments, however quickly you can produce them, are not always that useful if they are only narrowly informed. And I have more to learn.
There is a quote that pops into my conscious thought quite frequently. Being a naturally curious person I have always identified with this quote, but my experiences over the past year have especially intensified its meaning: 'The more I see, the less I know for sure.' - John Lennon
I said I wouldn't edit myself on this blog. But I definitely have today. Deleted it all from here and saved it for myself until I can get my thoughts out properly. :) As someone who usually has no problem expressing myself in writing, that is a really good sign they neeed to be further developed. So... stay tuned?
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