unravelling the string: my strange and wonderful life

Thursday, 9 June 2011

my strange and wonderful life

I am leaving my role at this NGO soon... I think... I keep saying I am leaving soon, but keep staying. I must be liking it. Monday, it seems, will be the day. Where I am going between then and 23 June... not yet sure.

The power goes out in this country, constantly. Tonight, it went out from 6-9pm. Not the best time to be out of power. I did find myself resorting to very very strange forms of entertainment by the end - it was dark outside, couldn't walk down the street to meet anyone, couldn't call anyone because my phone has no credit, too early to go to bed, already had dinner, head hurting from straining to read with my baby flashlight and candle, no one to talk to in the lobby, computer was dead, iPod was dead - but the camera phone was working. So (obviously!) I took a video of my candle. And the strange nature sounds coming from outside. Really surprisingly loud nature sounds. I wish I could post it for you. It is very creepy. But I can't find the adapter. (Don't judge, until you also go without power for 3 hours with no one to keep you company.)

Thankfully it came back on shortly after my strange filming episode and I as soon as I booted up my computer this lady in Roatan, one of the Bay Islands in Honduras, was ringing me on Skype. This is the third day I have tried to have a call with her - 9pm my time, 8am her time. Something always goes wrong. Today, besides the power episode, I also couldn't hear her talking. So she suggested that I talk, and she type. (This was a weird dynamic... talking in this format to someone you have never met before.)

Well, either way, her typing must have been good - as I think she has persuaded me to come there from mid-July. She is currently partnering with an accomplished photojournalist (I googled him, of course) to prepare a photo essay / funding proposal which she wants me to help with, which hits on a number of my interests, at least on paper, so it is worth a shot. This is one of those things that could be really amazing or really awful, but if it all goes to crap, at least I will be on a beautiful and relatively affordable island where I can snorkel every day and practice my Spanish until it is at the right level to move on to the next thing. I have a few other offers on the table after I finish in Roatan. Looking forward!

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Disclaimer

This blog reflects my unedited thoughts and I've shared it with you it is because you are either one of my long standing friends or family members, or you are one of the many random and wonderful people who come in and out of my life whom I find interesting or perhaps have connected with in some small or big way - but most importantly, you have somehow demonstrated that you have the slight potential of truly 'getting' the unedited version of me. So, this time around, with this blog, I will warn you that it may not be for everyone, as I am not going to spend my time commercialising or sugar coating for the masses (I have exploring to do!) and yes, sometimes this means I may sound just like I do when I am across the table from you - I may get long winded, introspective or lost in my thoughts and go off on tangents or be 'too deep' or 'too personal' (you know what, deep and personal is real to me, and I like real - hopefully you do too), I may make no apparent sense, or say something that only I think is funny, and I'm okay with that. If you are too, read on. Because, while I hope that this blog helps me keep in touch with many of you better, if you want the truth, it is really primarily for me - to capture the raw version of what will hopefully be a very memorable journey I will reflect upon for years to come.

What the hell am I doing

Good question - have asked that a few times, myself. The answer to that question may evolve as I go along. Technically I am getting on a plane and going to Cambodia to do some volunteer work and see where it takes me from there. But beneath that I suppose I must admit I am following that unravelling string I mentioned when I left Guatemala last September. (Not sure about my word choice here... 'unravelling string' could be perceived just as a more eloquent way of saying 'screws loose'. Oh well, perhaps it's true... but in a good way.) Anyway, I will recap what I wrote as I was departing: "My list of lessons learned here is long and I won't go into all of them right now, but I think I can summarise them into one big theme. So many decisions in my life have been based on practicality and sensibility. Sometimes based on societal expectations or expectations I've placed on myself about what success and happiness should look like. And if I'm honest, there is a little thread that runs through all of these that is really just nothing more than fear - fear of the unknown, fear of the unconventional, maybe even fear of failure or what other people may think. And if I take nothing more away from this little journey it is this - that thread of fear has started to unravel in a big way."